MASHEO NEWS - 2000

The return of Masheo Santa
December 8, 2000

Santa. Fiji. Llama-print underwear.

Anywhere else in the world, these three things might seem completely unrelated, but for the folks at Masheo, it's just about what they expect.

As the X-mas season approaches, many Masheo regulars have been a-twitter with thoughts of Masheo Santa returning to Masheo.

"A-twitter?" commented one Masheo regular.

The commotion comes from the uproarious success of last year's Masheo Santa letters - a pecurliar phenomenon whereby a figure identified only by the name "Masheo Santa" responds to the X-file wish lists of the Masheo faithful.

Last year, over 4 people (5) wrote letters to Masheo Santa wishing everything from Fowley's death, to a scene in a bedroom with Mulder and Scully and steam. Some wishes were granted others received lumps of coal.

One masheo regular who received 3 lumps of coal had this to say:

"I received 3 lumps of coal, what can I say? I did receive other stuff though, and that was cool."

This year, it is estimated that over 20,000 X-mas wish list letters will be written to Masheo Santa (estimated error of + or - 99.95%). When alerted to these numbers, Masheo Santa had this to say:

"Holy (*&#@!"

Most peculiar this X-mas season, is the fact that the entire Masheo Santa workshop (copmlete with elves and Psychic Elf Brain Wave Generator) has moved to Fiji. When asked about this, Masheo Santa had this to say:

"Leave me alone, can't you see I have work to do?!?"

What little information there is to be gathered about this relocation is found in Masheo Santa's note to Masheoites. The letter speaks of a visit from Masheo Greg convincing Masheo Santa to continue operations again this year, due to the unexpected continuation of the X-files.

There is also mention of a "wild party" insuing, which explains why this reporter cannot remember much of the last week, and why he has acquired a pair of silk llama-print underwear.

For further information on how to contact Masheo Santa, please read Masheo Santa's note to Masheoites..

The MASHEOites Launch Attack Upon The MoulderLurvesSkully4Eva Forum
Nine Are Wounded, Fifteen Arrested
December 7, 2000

AP--On November 31st internet police were forced to intervene when the raid of a "'Shippers Only" Delphi forum by a pack of rabid MASHEOites grew into a bloodbath.

The raid began to reach high flame proportions when it was discovered that the person posting at the MoulderLurvesSkully4Eva forum under the name of Nitejar was not actually Nitejar. It is believed that one Masheo Greg and various accomplices were responsible for making inflamatory remarks under the Nitejar pseudonym, and that Gerryiatrics such as Brianna and Liz were responsible for translating several 'shipper posts into Gnuspeak.

Authorities say that the MASHEOites, who were still suffering from the hiatus monotony as most of them don't live in the United States, entered the MoulderLurvesSkully4Eva forum with the express intention to raise a ruckus.

"We entered the forum with the express intention to raise a ruckus" said one MASHEO member, who wished to remain unidentified.

The authorities placed their belief that the MASHEOites entered the forum with the express intention to raise a ruckus on Buckeye's [oh, darn it] testimony.

It wasn't long before the flames began to fly between the 'shippers and the MASHEOites. "i can reed ur aura adn it is teling me thatt u r all mad and stoopid adn blind nad nootured" said Delenne in one of the few printable remarks made by a 'shipper. "Bite me" responded MASHEOite Betty, while her comrades tied Delenne down and forced her, a la Clockwork Orange, to watch a custom made porn video featuring agents Scully and Doggett.

It was a dark day in 'Phile land when news of the widespread injuries was released. Among the injured were Nitejar and Delphi Dude, both of whom suffered third degree burns. The flags flew at half mast in sadness in every folder at Gerry except the Skinner folder, where the Wenches were regaling in their smut too much to pay much attention to the outside world.

"I am shocked to find out that the antagonists of this heinous crime were the normally wonderful MASHEOites, and not those icky icky Voxxers," said Patty, moderator at Gerry. "I'm sorry, who are you talking about?" said new moderator Kristen when questioned. Another moderator, MaggieX, was unable to give a quote as she was too busy snarfing.

Masheo Greg devious and intelligent?
December 6, 2000

It appears that Masheo Greg is either very smart, or very dumb.

If you were to ask the good people at The Church of X they might not know quite what to tell you either.

But from sources that no-one is prepared to confirm or deny, it appears that The Church of X does think that Masheo is worthy of the coveted "Holier than Thou" award.

We asked Masheo Greg just how this happened.

"Well," starts an obviously intimidated Greg (is he paranoid? guilty of something!?!?) "I received this email from this nice person over at the Church of X saying that my site was - and I'm quoting them - "godlike". Then I discovered that this person just happened to run the Church of X. Needless to say I was pretty impressed and headed over to the site (The Church of X) What I found there was amazing. I was completely overwhelmed. And among the pages and pages of hilarity, I found an application for an award. So I signed up."

Reports indicate that Masheo Greg later received an e-mail from the mysterious owner of The Church of X saying that he was both "intelligent and devious" for applying for the award after receiving such a compliment.

Masheo received the award anyway.

Masheo Greg had this further comment:

"I'm proud to have shamefully lobbied for such a prestigious award."

Statistics from the The Church of X suggest that only about 1 in 9 or 10 applicants receive the coveted "Holier than Thou" award, putting Masheo as one of 8 sites to win the award.

Masheo Greg encourages everyone to visit The Church of X, and so do I.

we-finally-get-email@masheo.com
November 6, 2000

On Thursday October 26, Masheo Greg did what most Masheo regulars considered impossible.

He did something cool.

It seemed years ago, perhaps, when Masheo Greg first spouted the idea of providing masheo.com email addresses for the masheo faithful. The idea was met with much support and anticipation, but after tempting the Masheo masses, Greg, in his usual fashion, fell silent on the issue.

"It was like he was Satan dangling a single drop of water over our tortured, dry mouths," said one questionably sane Masheo regular.

"I'm not going to call him a dork for doing that to us," started another, "because he was much worse than that."

Now, however, Greg seems to be atoning for his earlier sins, by providing masheo.com email address to masheoites who meet certain qualifications. In his own words, to be eligible for a masheo.com address you must:

1. Be a masheo regular. (If you have ever read a masheo news article, come across a quote from a "masheo regular" and thought, "hey, that's me!' you qualify.) 2. Write me an email (to greg@masheo.com)
with the following infomation:
1. your masheo nickname
2. the masheo.com address you'd like to have
3. the legitimate email account address you'd like it forwarded to
4. a short paragraph of why you want masheo.com email (not really necessary, but I imagine it will be amazingly entertaining for me!)

3. Have me recognize you as a masheo regular. This is basically my catch all -- and it means basically that if you visited masheo once four months ago, came back to see this message and applied for masheo email I can say "eh? no, but thanks for playing..."

The next day Masheo Greg added:

okay a couple of things I forgot to mention...

I may change the rules here slightly -- someone already requested madandstupid@masheo.com, and I realized that email is one of very few that I'm hesitant to give out. maybe everyone gets 2 emails: one with their nic and one "fun" one. The fun one's will have to be okayed by me, and be distributed on a first come first serve basis.

At the time of this article's publication, several emails have been rumoured to have been given out. A full listing of masheo.com addresses has also been promised. Everyone is skeptical.

Link change may panic Masheoites
Sept 29, 2000

Knives may well be in order for those visiting masheo within the next few weeks to cut through the increasingly thick tension and fear. Fearful of the proposed change of one of Masheo's most revered institutions, some Masheoites are speaking out.

"I'm speaking out!" says one adamant Masheo regular.

"Me too!" shouted several others.

The hostility comes from the, as of yet unreported, news that the web address or "URL" of Masheo's Discussion Board (MDB) will be changing. What once was the easily remembered, "http://www.discserver.snap.com/Indices/56298.html" will now change to a severely more complex "http://disc.server.com/Indices/56298.html"

The reasoning behind the chage is unclear. Masheo Greg had this comment: "Hey, I just received an email from these guys sayin' that the old address (the snap.com one) would stop working sometime soon. I guess we've actually been using the new one whenever we've clicked on posts -- it's just that the masheo links and masheoite bookmarks could be wrong and unusable soon."

This is, undoubtedly, the most comprehensible and useful thing Masheo Greg has ever said.

"If you bookmark the MDB directly, just be sure to you've bookmarked the disc.server.com address," continued Greg, "I'll change masheo links by the time you finishing this news article."

Masheo wins first award!
Sept 29, 2000

A mere week after Masheo's "Banners, awards, etc." page announced that Masheo was "proud not to have won any awards", Masheo won an award.

Masheo is now the proud recipient of the much coveted, "The Mr. Bee Approved Site Award!" from The Bee Dome. A web-based organization famous for doing those things that a Noromo site does.

Reaction from the Masheo community was, as always, mixed.

"I was kind of proud not to have won any awards," touted one Masheo veteran, "This kind of recognition could be dangerous to our image."

"I, as a Masheo regular," spouted a Masheo regular, "am proud that Masheo has won only one award. I think this kind of recognition could be very good for our image!"

A shocked Masheo Greg had this to say, "I didn't even pay them! I'm still amazed! I don't think I paid them...hold on, let me check the books..."

Masheo Greg later realized that he does not keep "books".

MASHEO redesign 'worth the wait'
Sept 1, 2000

(AP wire)
In a hands down victory for procrastinators, the new masheo.com site, while two months past due, has been deemed 'worth the wait' by mad and stupid fans everywhere.

The site has a snazzy new look, very high tech and computerized with minimalized letters that (we're quite sure) add to general ergonomic-cyberstealth-coolness equity. There are new features, like the Column, Masheo News, and a brand new Masheo Deathmatch comic. There are also old favorites, like ads and past discussion board nostalgia and comics. And Masheo's got big plans for expansions of libraries, new episodic hatefic, and a much-touted yet top secret Temple of the Bee.

Response from notoriously nitpicky Masheoites has been positive.

"I admit I lost faith there for a while," one regular admitted. "I was sure Masheo Greg was just being a big dork. But now," the regular clarified, "I realize he was slaving over a pale computer monitor for weeks on end, carefully and meticulously bringing light to his grand vision of hate. All for us."

A second regular added, "That's evidence of a superdork. Boy, we sure are touched, and awed to have him among us." (end wire)

yourname@masheo.com?
August 17, 2000

Still no news on the once advertised possibility of @masheo.com e-mail addresses for the Masheo faithful.

Almost one month ago, Masheo Greg entered the Masheo Discusion board with talk of @masheo.com e-mail addresses for those masheo regulars who might be interested. Response from fans was positive, several claiming that their lives would be "complete" with such an address. Some even speculated that "world domination" would hardly be a problem once the address was acquired.

Little has been heard since then. Masheo Greg was quick to respond to the eager responses that he would have to "wait and see if we come in under our alloted data transfer this month." Most agree that Masheo Greg was just "making that up."

Opinions of whether or not masheo.com addresses will ever become a reality are varied. Some have hope for the future of the addresses, others do not. Still others believe that they do have an opinion, but don't trust it, while still others insist that their lack of an opinion is really a deep rooted government conspiracy of worldwide thought control. One last group, calling themselves "Electric Saliva" a jazz combo from Cedar Falls, Iowa have several opinions, but deny any knowledge of masheo.com, masheo, Masheo Greg, e-mail, or the internet.

London Masheo Convention Cancelled
July 25, 2000

It came as a shock to the Masheo community today, the first annual Masheo Convention was announced cancelled due to lack of any form of organization.

The convention, which was to feature David Duchovny, and Gilian Anderson portraying Mulder and Scully in various states of hatred, was to be the first of its kind. Acting of "classic hate scenes" as well as "impromptu hate" was on schedule for the event at the Royal Court Theatre, London, along with a variety of Masheo and X-file vendors.

The cancellation itself came as a shock, even to Masheo's creator, Masheo Greg who claimed not to have heard of the event.

"Um. . .yeah, I have no idea what you're talking about."

Reaction from Masheo fans new and old was varied. Many, outraged, claimed they will never believe rumors of a Masheo convention again. Others claim they never did.

"Come on," starts one Masheo veteran, "like we really expected Greg to organize something that cool..."

"This pretty much makes Greg a big dork," pouts the same Masheo regular who pouted it earlier.

The Masheo convention was to be held July 26.

aka Beyonce dumb
July 15, 2000

A recent barage of unintelligable posts to the Masheo Discussion Board (MDB) has caused quite a stir within the Masheo community (MC). Posts ranging from idiotic (I) to dumb (Dmb), to downright offensive (O!), to really dumb (rDmb) flooded the MDB causing slight disorientation and a increase in the consumption of both Pepto-Bismol and Vodka (P-B&V).

Authorities (A) believe that the attack was the work of a sole assailant, although posts carried various names, including aka Beyonce, LULU, hater and several others. Although the posts border on sheer stupidity (ss!), speakers for Masheo (M) wished to make clear (clr) that the posts (p) were not by any means "Mad and Stupid" (MS).

If you (y), or anyone you know has (hs) any information that might lead to the arrest (`) of this MDB vandal (nicknamed MDBv), please contact the Masheo authorities (MA).

Desperate move to Masheo.com
July 5, 2000

In an obviously desperate attempt to (death)mask his utter failure yesterday, Masheo Greg apologizing for his July 4th failure, introduced masheo.com, a new domain name for the Mulder and Scully Hate Each Other! web site.

The website, now over a year old, was previously accessed through the rather complex and dull "url" http://www.imaxx.net/~lawsong/masheo/index.html. Most people, attempting to type the long and unexciting address, fell asleep, which often resulted hitting their heads on keyboards or monitors and causing serious injury.

"That's the real reason I switched to masheo.com", says an nervous looking Masheo Greg, "to avoid being sued for head injury. I even fell asleep once. I wanted to sue myself!"

No one to date has challenged the notion that Masheo Greg has suffered severe head injury.

Masheo misses first release date
July 4, 2000

In a completely un-surprising way, Masheo Greg the Director of the Masheo Ministry of Updates (DMMU) completely dropped the ball today, as Masheo-ites everywhere discoverd that he did not in fact, have completed the rumored "Masheo redesign" as was originally planned.

Excuses have been non-existent, as that Masheo Greg has failed not only to apologize, but even appear on Masheo.

"It pretty much just makes him a big dork." pouted one Masheo regular.

The Masheo redesign, announced a few months earlier proported to be the most visually stunning Masheo redesign in history, cautioned visitors not to expect too much. "The redesign does not necessarily imply new content," warns Masheo Greg, "we'd like to have some new features of course, but at this point we (meaining "I") are not prepared to make any guarantees."